The Friends I've Lost (When People Find Out What You Do)

Posted by Asian Escort Agency | 7 min read

I lost my best friend from college because of this work, and it still hurts to think about.

Sarah and I had been close since freshman year. We studied together, went to parties together, told each other everything. When I started escort work, I didn't tell her immediately, but keeping secrets from your best friend is harder than you'd think.

She started noticing things - new clothes I couldn't afford on a student budget, being unavailable at weird times, having money for dinners out when I used to stress about grocery costs.

Finally, she confronted me directly. "Julia, what's going on? Are you dealing drugs or something?"

So I told her the truth. I explained that I was working as an escort, that it was helping me pay for school, that I was being safe about it.

Her reaction was... not what I hoped for.

First came the shock and concern, which I expected. Then came the judgment and disappointment, which hurt but wasn't completely surprising.

But then came the weird moral lectures about how I was "selling my body" and "destroying my future" and how I needed to "find another way" to pay for college.

The worst part was that she started treating me like I was a completely different person. Like learning about my work had erased everything she'd known about me for three years.

She stopped inviting me to hang out with our other friends. When I asked why, she said it would be "awkward" and that she didn't know how to explain my "situation" to other people.

Slowly, she just... faded out of my life. Stopped responding to texts as quickly, made excuses when I suggested getting together, found reasons to avoid me on campus.

The friendship didn't end with a big fight or dramatic confrontation. It just slowly withered away because she couldn't handle who I'd become, or maybe who she'd realized I always was.

I've lost other friends too, but Sarah was the most painful because I really thought she'd understand or at least try to be supportive.

Some friends have surprised me in good ways though. My friend Maya from high school was amazing when I told her. She asked questions because she was curious, not because she was judging. She worried about my safety, but she respected my choices.

The hardest part about losing friends over this work is that it confirms all your fears about stigma and judgment. You worry that people will see you differently if they know, and then... they do.

It makes you more careful about who you trust with the truth, which makes you more isolated, which makes the work feel more shameful, which makes everything harder.

I understand why some girls in this industry never tell anyone what they really do. The potential for losing important relationships is real, and sometimes the isolation feels safer than the risk of rejection.

But I've also learned that the friends who can't handle this information probably weren't as close to me as I thought they were. If someone's entire opinion of you changes based on your job, maybe they didn't really know you that well in the first place.

Still, losing Sarah taught me to be more selective about who I confide in and to prepare myself for the possibility that honesty might cost me relationships I value.